


what the water gave me

by heatherpotts



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, aquaphobic!bill kinda not really??, loss.jpg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 22:53:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12045993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heatherpotts/pseuds/heatherpotts
Summary: The university happened to have a swimming pool. Bill definitely wasn't supposed to be there, but it was 2AM, and she had a lot on her mind.





	what the water gave me

**Author's Note:**

>    
> *slbmlq voice* who the fuck is heather?  
> ayy its my first published fic!! me me big boy i love bill  
> listen to redbone while reading this it works real nice

Bill had drifted in and out of sleep in the lecture hall for a while. She had told her mum that she was staying at a friend's house tonight. She must have been busy, because the claim was met with no scrutiny whatsoever. Instead, Bill camped out at the university, armed with only her phone, a flashlight, a swimsuit, and her wits. The lights were dim, just bright enough for Bill to navigate. Bill checked her phone, wincing at the brightness.

2:17 AM. Nice.

Bill forced herself off the bench, and gathered the courage she needed to roam the school. She prayed silently that all the staff had finally gone home before grabbing her flashlight and heading off. Most of the hallways were dimly lit, like the lecture hall. Fine, as long as nobody else is here to find it convenient. Bill knew exactly where she was going, even in the darker conditions. Take the left exit to the lecture hall, head down the hall and take the second left, head down the stairs to the first floor, continue down the hall again and take the third right, turn left, and...  
The swimming pool.  
Bill had found it by mistake the first time she got lost in the university, looking for the meal hall. It became a bit of a comfort to her, because she got lost quite often. Although she didn't always know how she had ended up here, she always knew where to go from there. It's existence was a comfort, but she had never wanted to get too close to the edge. Bill could barely swim. She believed she would only ever admire from afar, but things are different now. Between the Doctors arrival, Heather's departure, and the fact that time travel is now a regular occurrence, she figured it was time to re-evaluate some things.

The water was a part of Bill now, like it or not. It called to her. She couldn't understand it, at least not yet. The only thing she really knew was that she had questions. So many questions. But before turning to anyone else, Bill decided to ask herself. Bill stood motionless for a minute, staring at the water. The lights within it were the only things illuminating the room. It was beautiful, in a way that Bill couldn't understand. Not yet. Bill held her breath. Just a test, just to see how long she could manage it. Just to see how it felt, just to see if this impulse had any meaning.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Bill exhaled and breathed in again after thirty seconds or so, and she knew.

It was peaceful. Quiet. Different from all the other times she had been in a situation like this. No dull pounding in the back of her head. No panic, no pain.

No more rejecting the sensation.

"That must be it." Bill thought to herself.  
"I'm not afraid anymore."

  
She had to know more.  
Bill took another deep breath, and dropped everything she was holding a safe distance away from the pool. She took off her shoes, and her socks, and her jacket, and the rest of her clothes until only the black one-piece swimsuit she'd had since she was fifteen remained. As she approached the pool, the same anxiety and exhilaration she'd felt every damn time she went swimming came back.  
"But it's different this time." She thinks to herself. She takes the first step into the pool. Bill flinches at the cold. It serves as a reminder as to why she's here.  
Not to think about the doctor, although that might not be such a bad idea.  
Not to cope with the fact that time travel is a regular occurrence now.  
Not to cope with the aftermath of each adventure.  
Not even to try and figure out her own personal life.  
There's only one person on Bill's mind. The sun could go supernova tomorrow, and Heather would still be the only person on Bill's mind.

She's here to figure out why. Bill closes her eyes, and focuses. Thousands of questions had been racing through her mind ever since she stepped out of the TARDIS with Heather's tears in her eyes. That's certainly understandable, but she knows she should take it one at a time. She clears her mind of any last traces of doubt and fear, and takes another step. Then another follows. Another step, again and again until she's chest deep in the water. The pool goes out much farther and much deeper, but Bill is taking it slow for now. Bill takes a slow, deep breath, closes her eyes, and slips underwater. It feels liberating, somehow.  
"This first time is just practice." She thinks to herself. "I shouldn't think too hard, not yet." She sees Heather clearly for the first time in ages, and after that, her memories come flooding back.  
The first time they met, when Heather was only a stranger, but still radiant and enticing in a strange but wonderful way.  
The club, where they had only shared a glance, but that short moment was exhilarating. Heather looked gorgeous that night. Bill couldn't help smiling at the memory.  
The fence.  
"Maybe we should skip that one for now."  
The Dalek ship.  
"Oh no, that's worse."  
But the scene continues. It isn't quite as sad as Bill remembered. When Heather appeared, saving her and the Doctor, her brain short-circuited. Daleks could have surrounded them, screaming as loud as their weird robot bodies would let them, and Bill wouldn't have even noticed. In that moment, Heather was all that mattered. It was Heather, but she was different. Heather was giving off all kinds of conflicting information, impossible to take in all at once. Bill just wanted to cry. Heather didn't look like an "alien" per-se, but neither did the Doctor. In that liquid-y state, Heather was terrifying and beautiful all at the same time. Clearly different, and obviously powerful, but still the same Heather deep down.

  
Still the same Heather.  
She showed me the universe.  
She left me her tears.  
Still the same Heather.

  
Bill shoots up to the surface, breathing heavily and trying her best to keep her hair out of her face. In the middle of this, she starts to laugh. She turns around, pushing herself further into the deep end. She keeps close to the wall just in case, but something inside her is very different.  
She feels amazing.

She definitely wasn't expecting this to be this fun. Ten minutes ago, Bill would have considered this to be the opposite of fun. This is trespassing on private property to do the one activity that has haunted Bill's nightmares for years. This is scary, stupid, and pretty dangerous. And yet, Bill refused this mentality. "A bit of danger is good for the soul," she tells herself, "and self-discovery is pretty cool too!" She snaps back to reality, and panics for a second after realizing how far out she'd gone. Hugging the wall eases her anxiety. Bill sighs, and tries to clear her mind. Heather continues to be the only thing on it.

She takes a deep breath, and pushes away from the wall a bit more forcefully than she meant to do. No time to think about that now. She lets herself sink down, and her internal conversation resumes. Heather. That name had been echoing through her mind for weeks now. Heather. What is it about that name that makes it so enticing, ethereal even?  
"Think back, back before any of this happened. Back when the definition of Heather was simply 'The girl I'd accidentally made eye contact with once, and I've had a crush on ever since.'  
Why?"  
She was sweet and a bit reserved, with a cute smile and a cute face and everything about her was cute. Of course, she had that star thing in her eye.  
"I'd never gotten the chance to stare into her eyes for as long as I would have really liked, but there's nothing that can be done about that now.  
She'd wanted it removed.  
Now, that's a question that I'm sure will never be answered. It looked cool, and it didn't seem to cause any pain or vision problems. I'm not an eye doctor I guess, but is it even possible to have it removed?"  
In the end, it didn't matter. In the end, Heather was the adorable girl with the star in her eye that Bill wished she got to know more about. Well, in the end-end, she became a teleporting, time travelling, alien puddle vessel, but that's not the point. Point is, Bill loved her. And point is, Bill really, really missed her. A bit of air escaped through Bills mouth in what was meant to be a quiet sob. It had finally sunk in what Heather meant to her, and what she left behind really meant. Bill released a little more air, but she wasn't moving. Not yet. She could feel her chest tightening and wanting to breathe, but she wouldn't move. Not yet. Heather wasn't truly gone. Bill knew this, the tears Heather left behind were the reason she was here. But she still didn't know why. Too many questions. Bill needed to breathe, but she still held herself down. Heather's name was echoing through her mind yet again, louder and clearer than ever before. Louder and clearer, now that Bill truly knew she was in love. Her lungs were burning, and her heart was too. She couldn't think, but she had to. Just a little while longer.  
"Why did she leave me her tears? An act of love, devotion maybe. But why that? What's the significance?" The urge to breathe in was becoming unbearable, and it was then that it clicked.  
.

.

.  
"That's why I'm different, isn't it? Why I'm here.  
She'll always be a part of me now. That's what it is, it's a promise. A rain check."  
.

.

.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

"Well, damn."  
Bill finally pushed herself off the bottom of the pool, breaching the surface with a gasp. Then, she remembered why she was afraid of deep water. She flailed, struggled and accidentally dunked herself several times.  
Lost. Stranded.  
This always happens.  
Taking one last panicked breath, she let herself sink. Immediately, she relaxed, if only for a moment. She opened her eyes, ignoring the sting of chlorine, and deduced where she was. Bill pushed herself closer, then launched herself off of the floor. Bill threw herself onto the wall, breathing heavily.  
Truth be told, Bill was expecting this to happen. That fear, that panic always comes back. Phobia be damned.

Bill took a minute to catch her breath. She found the whole situation a bit funny. Morbidly so, but the sentiment remained. Heather was probably laughing at her somewhere. Bill couldn't help laughing along. Bill pulled herself out of the pool with the grace of a newborn deer, and rolled onto the tile. Staring up at the ceiling, Bill sighed. "Why did I say no?" Bill felt a pang of guilt. Heather wouldn't want to travel alone. "Maybe she'll find someone else," Bill thought. "All of time and space, she'll find someone else. She'll be okay." The words completely failed to be a comfort. And yet, there was a voice inside her head that told her everything would be alright. Despite all her regrets and missed opportunities echoing through her mind, Bill was fine. Maybe, it really was Heather in her head, telling her everything was going to be okay. "She'll come back for me. She left me her tears, right?" Bill reassured herself, closing her eyes. "Everything comes in time.  
I'll travel with the Doctor and it'll be great, and when that's all done for whatever reason, I'll be with Heather." Bill smiled, stretching out on the floor and finally relaxing. "That sounds nice."  
.  
.  
.  
Bill scraped herself off of the floor, quickly realizing what had happening. Probably not the worst place to fall asleep, but definitely not recommended.  
"Oh, fuck me," Bill mumbled, frantically looking around the room for her things. She rushed over to them, and checked her phone.  
5:37.  
"Okay, this is fine." Bill thought to herself, still panicking a little bit. Bill threw on her clothes despite still being a little wet, and started heading for the door before stopping dead in her tracks. She turned around, looking at the pool one last time. She smiled, and waved goodbye. She'd be coming back soon.

 

holy shit uhh thanks for reading!! honestly i'm not expecting anyone to actually read this so if ur here,, hi. hello. i love u. i might post some finale/post finale follow ups for these, that might be cool. this is my first published work (that isn't a meme) so again thank u for reading holy fuck


End file.
